All of our friends (including their other friends' husbands) support them in accusing the ex, including the labeling of a misuse, a financial user and narcissist.

I took the time to listen to why the wedding failed and he or she doesn’t match her side.

I don't need to end our relationship with him, but my friend demands that our friendship will proceed. Please advise.

Better condition: Your former friend is involved within the turbulence of a failed marriage. She is bitter, indignant and tries to gather emotional support while at the identical time injuring her soon.

You now understand what he handled during your marriage.

I hope she won't give you the option to isolate you from friends together. When it happens, you and her husband must live their lives and expand their social circle.

Dear Abby: I’m blessed with two sons who live with me. They are of their mid -20s.

The younger is a tremendous young man. He is powerful, confident, but not cocky and glad. He is in college, works part -time and plays in a band, amongst other things.

My older son is the other. Since he was 16, he had countless jobs and is (again) unemployed. He was released by each job.

He at all times has an apology to accuse others for his mistakes. He thinks he's smarter than the remaining of us, thinks, he knows higher, etc.

I attempted to inform and show him that the issue together with his former employers is together. He refuses to take responsibility for something in his life.

I like him, but he drives me crazy. I would like to assist him, but to be honest I’m over it. I even have reached the purpose where it’s difficult to be civilian for him.

The last time he was unemployed, he lasted three months. When I gave him a “drop dead” date to seek out a job or I stepped out of the home, he miraculously found a frills.

We are back at the moment. I hate doing it, but I want it to either open or get out.

No matter what I do, I’m the evil – since it enables it or forced it. I’d love advice.

Dear mother: Your son is not any longer a toddler. He has to learn to face on his own two feet. Give him one other deadline to seek out a job or to be under your roof.

Tell him that you just expect to avoid wasting enough money for a deposit on a spot of residence.

Do not expect that he likes it or is grateful to you that he has subsidized it so long as you could have. The biggest favor you possibly can give him now could be the possibility to grow up.

In a colourful children's room in the guts of Stanford University's campus, two-year-old Javier Arellano presses a star-shaped button on a plastic machine until a steel-drum version of Brahms' Lullaby whispers from a hidden speaker on the toy. The music mixes with the wails of one other child nearby, and the muffled cacophony is punctuated by the rapid tapping of Karen Arellano's fingers on her laptop as she studies at a close-by desk.

“Mommy!” Javier interrupts in his slurred toddler Spanish, pointing to his next object of intrigue to get his mother's attention. “Car!” he cries.

“Sí,” she says in Spanish, looking up to envision on her son. “It’s a car,” she confirms with a smile stuffed with drained enthusiasm before turning back to her studies.

The scene is typical of the lifetime of Arellano, a senior at Stanford University who, with the assistance of a bunch called “San Francisco,” juggles raising her son and attending an elite university Shine together in Milpitas.

Each yr, Shine Together helps as much as 200 moms ages 13 to 25 navigate parenting, life and education by connecting them to the resources they should succeed.

“Every mother that comes through the door, we meet them where they are,” said Sara Reyes, executive director of Shine Together — or Shine for brief. “Our ultimate goal is for our mothers to feel empowered and find their voice to advocate for themselves and their future.”

The agency is asking Wish Book for donations to support at the least 60 young moms in San Jose and their children and to fund the staff and facilities that take care of them.

Arellano came upon she was pregnant the identical day she had to substantiate her enrollment at Stanford University. When the doctor at Planned Parenthood presented her with several options, she decided to maintain the infant. Then she sat within the automobile in front of the clinic and sent off the registration documents.

When she got home, the truth hit her when she was faced with a stark statistic: Only 2% of teenage moms graduate from college by age 30.

Despite her drive, she faced obstacles at Stanford. Her pregnancy often left her drained and gave her brain fog, and even when she asked, her teachers didn't at all times reply to her needs. Although she tried to not feel ashamed, she felt the stigma of being a pregnant student.

When she gave birth to Javier, her responsibilities grew and so did her financial burden. Although her housing was financially supported, child care cost her and her family $2,600 every month, a high price for a farmworker family.

She often felt alone. At the time, Javier's father was away, and Karen lacked consistent assist in caring for Javier or child-friendly opportunities to socialize. She slowly began to doubt whether she would even graduate.

Then a caseworker referred her to Shine Together. She called an attorney who told her they may provide her with diapers and clothing and connect her with the resources she needed.

“In that moment… I knew I could do it. I thought, ‘This is what I was looking for.’ This is what I needed,” Arellano recalls.

Shine helped her find free childcare and provided Javier with clothing, diapers and wipes. They also provided her with hair care products, something she had been neglecting, so she could get monetary savings for essentials.

Shine matches each mother with an advocate to assist them find resources and navigate child care, housing, legal systems, education and financial support.

These resources are tailored to every mother. Esmerelda Torres was living in her automobile together with her daughter and attempting to graduate from highschool when she came upon about Shine Together. Shine helped her find everlasting housing and meet her basic needs so she could refocus on earning her GED. “I didn’t really have a family that was there for me, but (Shine) cares about what happens,” Torres said. “Good or bad, they’re always there.”

Advocates work with each mother individually and together create a game plan to assist them achieve their goals – whether that's earning a GED, completing an expert certificate or completing college. They also offer moms help with financial literacy, health and wellness, and all the things from parenting techniques to emotional support.

“We are their biggest cheerleader,” said Isabel Chavarria, Shine’s current program manager and Arellano’s former advocate. “We really empower them to be the best (mothers) they can be.”

Shine also hosts events to attach moms with one another, giving them the chance to learn life skills together and construct community.

“I tried to make friends here (at Stanford). It was so hard…to build those friendships,” Arellano said. “It's really important for me to interact with some mothers… because I knew I had other people who had similar experiences to me.”

Many of the supporters were there themselves. Shine's team is made up entirely of ladies, a lot of whom come from the identical neighborhoods because the people they serve. Some were young or teenage moms themselves.

“We all needed support along the way…we were in this situation once as individuals,” Reyes said.

Many of the moms at Shine come from backgrounds affected by poverty, food insecurity and other trauma. A 3rd of those surveyed suffered from housing conditions and 44% were children of young parents themselves.

Despite the circumstances, the approach works for the moms. While only about half of teenybopper moms nationwide have a highschool diploma, nearly nine in 10 of Shine Together's young moms are on the right track to earn a highschool diploma, and over 60% are pursuing further education resembling college or a certification program.

The work not only prepares the moms for achievement – it also helps the kids. Research shows that when parents receive an education, their children do higher, even a long time later.

“(We) break these generational cycles through education and empowerment,” Chavarria said. “We serve two generations at the same time.”

Javier is now two and a half years old, while Arellano will complete her bachelor's degree in anthropology next yr and has been chosen for the honors program. She is conducting a thesis research on young moms pursuing higher education and hopes to present her research to assist break the stigma surrounding the subject. That yr, Javier's father moved in to support Javier and Arellano.

[Arellanoisn'tsurewhatshewantstodoaftershegraduatesbutsheknowsshewantstohelpmaketheworldafairerplaceandfocusonearlychildhoodeducationSheknowsShinewillmakehertransitionfromstudenttocareereasier[Arellanoisn'tsurewhatshewantstodowhenshegraduatesbutsheknowsshewantstoplayaroleinmakingtheworldmoreequitablefocusingonearlychildhoodeducationSheknowsthatShinewillhelpmakehertransitionfromstudenttoprofessionalsmoother[ArellanoistsichnichtsicherwassienachihremAbschlussmachenmöchteabersieweißdasssiedazubeitragenmöchtedieWeltgerechterzumachenundsichdabeiaufdiefrühkindlicheBildungkonzentrierenmöchteSieweißdassShineihrdenÜbergangvonderStudentinindenBeruferleichternwird[Arellanoisn’tsurewhatshewantstodowhenshegraduatesbutsheknowsshewantstoplayaroleinmakingtheworldmoreequitablefocusingonearlychildhoodeducationSheknowsthatShinewillhelpmakehertransitionfromstudenttoprofessionalsmoother

“Shine is part of this movement for equality and justice. They have the ability to make a difference,” Arellano said. “That's what Shine is supposed to do – give you stability to achieve your goals… That's what it did for me.”

---

THE WISH BOOK SERIES
Wish Book is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization operated by The Mercury News. Since 1983, Wish Book has produced a series of stories throughout the holiday season that highlight the needs of those in need and invite readers to assist make those wishes come true.

WISH
Donations help Shine Together support at the least 60 young moms in San Jose and their children and fund the staff and facilities that support them. Goal: $25,000

HOW TO GIVE
Donate at Wishbook.mercurynews.com/donate or email this to us form.

ONLINE EXTRA
Read more Wish Book stories and look at photos and videos Wishbook.mercurynews.com.

Chinese staff may soon need to work longer hours.

At the top of July 2024, China’s ruling Communist Party passed a resolution raising the country’s statutory retirement age gradual increase over the subsequent five years.

The final retirement age has not been set, but An earlier official report suggests The age might be around 65 years.

This would make the country more in step with other major economiesincluding the USA. Currently, China has one in all the bottom retirement ages Worldwide, it’s 60 years for men and 55 years for girls in white-collar jobs and 50 years for girls in blue-collar jobs.

The party leadership has been occupied with reforming the Chinese pension system for years. But the apparent urgency reflects growing concern in regards to the impact of a shrinking – and the ageing – of the population can have on the country’s shrinking pension funds.

The funds put aside to cover pension costs in China are likely completely used up by 2035predicted the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences a number of years ago.

Raising the retirement age will undoubtedly cover the funds for a number of additional years.

But it would not be a everlasting solution – and it does nothing to serious demographic problems that China is facing.

I actually have examined China's population for over 40 years; I consider that the demographic problem China is currently facing is some of the serious problems the country has faced in centuries.

With a Fertility rate of 1.1 children per woman – far below the two.1 births per woman required to keep up the native population – and more deaths per 12 months than birthsChina's future is a time of population decline and an enormous increase within the variety of elderly people. The problem is exacerbated by the incontrovertible fact that China just isn’t giving up on the thought of Supplementing the native population through immigration; only 0.1% of the population was born abroad – that is the smallest percentage every major country on the planet.

Demographers know the shrinkage

For most of its existence, communist China was characterised by population growth.

In 1950, a number of months after the Founding of the People's Republic of ChinaThe country's population was 539 million. It then increased yearly for nearly 70 years, reaching 1.43 billion in 2021.

But at this point the height had been reached. In the next years, China had more deaths than births and lost population. In addition, United Nations population forecastsindicate that if current trends proceed, China's population will fall below one billion in 2070, below 800 million in 2086, and to 633 million by 2100.

This represents a lack of greater than half of the present population in about 75 years. Such a drastic population decline would have a devastating impact on the workforce and cause untold economic problems.

Older and smaller

But it just isn’t just the decline in total numbers that’s the problem. Perhaps much more worrying is the changing composition of the population.

According to UN figures, by 2023, almost 20 percent of China's population shall be of retirement age of 60 or older. But by 2100, this proportion is anticipated to rise to an astonishing 52 percent.

The data also shows that currently around 12 percent of China's population are young staff aged between 20 and 29, while 46 percent are older staff aged between 30 and 59. But by 2100, this share of the workforce is anticipated to drop dramatically, to only over 7 percent for young staff and around 29 percent for those aged 30 to 59.

Similarly, in China, the number of kids and young adults aged 19 and under will fall from 21 percent in 2023 to 11 percent in 2100.

In short, China's population projections don’t bode well for the country's future. There shall be fewer staff to take care of a growing variety of dependents, especially the elderly.

But China's plans to boost the retirement age will only barely alleviate the issues related to these trends. Raising the retirement age won’t slow China's population decline, nor will it change the ratio of working to non-working adults little or no.

The need for migration

However, there’s something that may mitigate this trend: immigration.

Many of the world's major countries with very low birth rates depending on international migration young staff – and these young immigrants even have more babies than the natives. Compare, for instance, China’s low rate of 0.1% foreign-born Almost 14% of foreigners born within the United States And 18% in GermanyEven the East Asian countries Japan and South Korea have a better proportion of foreign-born people than China. at 2% And 3.7% or.

The Chinese government has made several attempts to implement policies to extend the birth rate, but these haven’t worked. In fact, demographers agree that such “pronatalist” policies are generally ineffective.

However, it would not be easy to search out a job in China, a rustic with little immigration experience and a seemingly deep-rooted belief in racial purity shared by many managers in the Communist Party.

There might be resistance to immigration from the Chinese population. Young Chinese staff could be those most affected by an increase in immigration numbers. In the early years of a policy encouraging mass immigration, some Chinese would lose their jobs and need to search for work elsewhere. This could be particularly the case for young staff.

But typically, immigrants seek employment in occupations that the native population doesn’t prefer – sometimes known as “three Ds jobs”, or those which might be dirty, dangerous and degrading. This is the case in most European countries and within the USA

And the choice could be much more painful for China in the long term. Unless an lively immigration policy is implemented, by the start of the subsequent century China shall be half the scale it’s today and shall be one in all the oldest countries – if not the oldest country – on the planet.

Beijing is already facing the strain of those trends, which is why pension reforms are essential. But without the influx of young immigrants, China's problems shall be much worse.