We have lived in our former city for 15 years and now halfway everywhere in the country.

Although I knew that the transition could be difficult, I don't think certainly one of us was completely realizing how much this might affect him.

He misses his family deeply and it was difficult to not have this familiar support system nearby. He has all the time been a social person and in our old town he had built strong friendships and routines that gave him a sense of belonging. Here he feels isolated and although we’ve tried to satisfy recent people, it's just not the identical. I can see how much he has to fight.

In addition, he had to start out a brand new job after we moved and he is just not pleased. He used the primary opportunity he could find and it doesn't suit him. Despite the appliance for other positions, he couldn't find anything higher yet.

Between his dissatisfaction at work and loneliness outside, I’m nervous about how all this affects his general well -being.

How can I help him consider in our recent city and feel more at home at home?

Dear fish from water: In the short term, you invite friends out of your old town to go to a visit. Bring some familiarity and love into your recent space in order that your husband can chill out and see that he can have a good time there.

You may plan a visit to your old town to spend time with relatives. The feeling of feeling homesickness might be difficult, and a fast and sincere hug of old friends can go a good distance.

Think next about hobbies that is likely to be inquisitive about your husband. Encourage him to be busy by energetic in local events, go to the gym, volunteer for community organizations – something that distracts his problems from his problems and brings him into other people's company.

It requires focused and consistent efforts to construct relationships in a brand new place. Further strengthen the positive and inspiring patience.

Dear Harriette: This message refers back to the letter from the committed church member, which often drives the churchgoers to events, but was publicly punished when he couldn’t someday.

I’m a retired minister and your answer to the driving force might have been handled in a very different way.

Instead of pulling an already revised minister in the center, one of the best answer is that the driving force speaks to the girl himself and may tell her that she should stop talking about him badly. This is the biblical way of treating problems within the church.

If the girl refuses not to speak badly, then bring the minister.

Dear pastor: Thank you for shared your view. Going on to a one that questions them is actually a courageous method to cope with a priority. I assume, even when the negative chat has made it through the community, the modified behavior of the girl in query can assist calm things.

I often take into consideration ending our marriage, but then I have a look at my single friends of a certain age and see that they only talk in regards to the desire to seek out a person.

I don't understand how I could make my marriage more fulfilling. At the identical time, I don't need to be alone and lonely.

Do I stay to avoid the situation of my friends? What can I do to get my marriage on the right track?

Better, frustrated: Find out what you would like and want in your marriage.

Check your life today and discover what you’re thinking that would make you comfortable if things could change. Be as specific as possible. Then consult with your husband.

Explain to him the way you felt and what your opinion lacks in your marriage. Tell him that you just don't need to survive as now and that you should revitalize your life together. Ask him what he thinks and what would make him happier. Have a glance to learn more about his mind-set.

You might be surprised if you discover that he doesn’t share your view. Wherever he’s, let him know where you might be. Ask him in the event you can work together to revive your bond.

If you each work to your marriage, there’s a probability to breathe your latest life. Try along with him before going out of the door.

Dear Harriette: My husband smokes grass almost daily.

During the pandemic, it got here to smoking all day from sunrise to bed. At that point we were all at home and it was annoying to should smell the smoke while I worked in the subsequent room.

A couple of years later, it seems that not much has modified within the trend. He works at times and I’m now working all day from home. He still smokes constantly. No matter what I say, he continues.

I asked him to not smoke during office hours. He shrink back and tells me that I shouldn't work from home anyway. He says that is his house and he can do what he wants.

Where are my rights? I can't bear that my house smells of grass on a regular basis. No candle or no air freshener removes the smell either.

What can I do?

Dear Weed Invasion: They face a minimum of two serious problems: addiction and disrespect.

Have a serious conversation together with your husband. Ask him why he smokes a lot. Why does he should smoke before sunrise? What's unsuitable with him?

Tell him how his smoking affects you. Ask him to respect you and your time and never to smoke when working.

Since you reside in a shared apartment, you desire to to agree on mutually agreed times for certain activities, especially smoking. Repeat that this is significant to you and that it obviously feels disrespectful when he ignores them.

However, remember that he may not stop. While some say that grass will not be addictive, his behavior says something else. You can have to come to a decision what you do if he doesn't stop.

We came upon that her driveway is being renovated. The men we saw with our neighbor were in an unmarked truck and will not have been skilled concrete employees.

I told my husband that in the event that they began jackhammering into the driveway without calling the utility company to have the underground utilities marked, I’d call the utility company. My husband said I wasn't allowed to do this. He insists that I counsel nobody and let the neighbor face the implications of what might occur.

My husband said I used to be too curious. I said I wasn't curious, just apprehensive. If they hit a gas line, it could impact many homes within the neighborhood. So am I being too curious or justifiably apprehensive?

Better paved: Your concern is legitimate; The consequences of a collision with a utility line would likely impact greater than just your neighbor if employees don't exercise their due care. But waiting for the jackhammer to come back to life is just too late. The nationwide “Call Before You Dig” number is 811. The emphasis here is on “before.”

When you call the number or visit Call811.com, you will likely be connected to your state's 811 center website. However, you need to do that a number of business days before excavation begins in order that they’ve time to get out and mark buried utilities. It's higher that they call since the callers also have to know what sort of project it’s and where exactly on the property the employees plan to dig.

Reminding your neighbors and their employees upfront of the importance of doing this, even on small projects, may show you how to ward off your husband's “nosy” accusations (which, for my part, are unfounded). Besides, it's the law.

Dear Eric: At the Thanksgiving family gathering, my father-in-law's girlfriend was asked to pass me my drink. Instead of grasping the cup from the skin, she placed one finger on the within and one finger on the skin to lift it up—which made me cringe in disgust because I can be sharing her germs if I drank on that side.

This woman is only a horrible, disgusting person on the whole. She could probably be diagnosed as a narcissist. She is a hoarder, neglects her animals and is incredibly unpopular with all members of the family except my father-in-law. Honestly, she doesn't deserve any kindness.

So why didn't I confront her about defiling my cup? Why did I pretend not to note, casually take a sip that I knew she wouldn't touch, and never drink from that cup again?

If she is so blatantly rude to all of us at family gatherings regularly, why can't I find the words to say how disgusting that was and that she shouldn't hand someone a cup like that? Why did I decide to be polite quite than say what I felt inside?

Everyone was sitting or standing across the table when this happened, but I don’t know who saw it. Aside from the shame that I didn't rise up for myself, I'm also embarrassed that others might find me just as disgusting for acting like I didn't care that she did that. I wish I had the precise words at the precise time.

Dear human: I'm sorry that happened – yuck. And I'm sorry that it led to such a spiral.

Although I do know that you already know that I cannot inform you why you probably did this stuff, I wanted to reply to your letter because there appear to be two potentially conflicting aspects at play here and I hope you may untangle them.

You don't like your father-in-law's girlfriend, that's of course. But most of your letter was about what other people take into consideration your behavior – being kinder to your girlfriend than you desired to be, after which worrying that your loved ones thinks you're gross.

People almost never take into consideration us as much as we expect. No, scratch that. People never take into consideration us as much as we expect.

So it is advisable to discuss with a friend or counselor about what you would like from other people's approval and the way you may achieve it in other ways.

Ultimately, consent must come from inside. But in case your primary focus is ensuring everyone else likes what you do, your individual judgment will all the time come second. This results in the form of regret and self-flagellation described in your letter, and the cycle begins again. I hope you’ll work on this stuff.

And next time, possibly ask another person to pass you your drink.

HAYWARD – A 47-year-old man was charged with murder Tuesday for apparently strangling his wife of their home on Sept. 23, based on authorities and court records.

Alvaro Sierra is accused of killing 47-year-old Tania Afanador at her home within the 27000 block of Eucalyptus Court.

The couple was going through a divorce but still lived together and had gotten into an argument before the murder, based on court documents. Authorities didn’t say what the dispute was about.

Police were called to the apartment by one other member of the family, who told 911 that something had happened in the home.

Afanador was found unconscious and pronounced dead contained in the home. Final autopsy results are pending, but based on court records, the preliminary finding showed she had injuries consistent with strangulation.

According to police, Sierra, who lists his occupation as a warehouse manager in prison records, was also found at home with self-inflicted cuts.

He was taken to a hospital for treatment. After the preliminary autopsy results were known, he was arrested on suspicion of murder on September 28 and booked into the Santa Rita Jail.

He was held without bail and was scheduled to be arraigned in court on Wednesday.

It was initially unknown how long the couple had been married. Police said the couple had no children together.

In a news release announcing the costs, Hayward Police Chief Bryan Matthews said, “Domestic violence is a tragic and often unreported crime. We strongly encourage anyone who finds themselves in an abusive situation to seek help. We are here to provide protection and provide people with the resources and support they need.”

The investigation is ongoing. Anyone with information related to the murder is asked to call Detective Niedenthal at 510-293-7176.

The death is the twelfth homicide Hayward police are investigating this 12 months.

Originally published: October 1, 2024 at 2:46 p.m

Alexis Ohanianthe entrepreneur Husband of tennis star Serena Williamshas announced that he has unexpectedly contracted Lyme disease.

The 41-year-old Reddit co-founder shared the news in a health update on social media on Tuesday.

“I did a whole series of health scans, tests, etc. and found out that I have Lyme disease,” he said wrote on X. “Wild. Luckily no symptoms, but I'll treat it. The good cholesterol is too low. The bad cholesterol is fine. I need to work on that.”

“I have a loved one who had it a few years ago, showed tons [of] symptoms, etc. and I just couldn't figure it out until they tested him for it,” Ohanian added. “I spend so little time in the wilderness/Northeast, this was quite a surprise.”

Symptoms may include rash, fever, headache, and fatigue. If left untreated, Lyme disease can result in facial paralysis, irregular heartbeat, and arthritis.

In the entire country approx. 476,000 people may very well be diagnosed and treated for Lyme disease annually.

Justin BieberAvril Lavigne, Amy Schumer And Bella Hadid are among the many celebrities who’ve previously announced their diagnosis.

“Anyway, I'm going to get some antibiotics – I can't beat the tick!” concluded Ohanian, who has two daughters with Williams.

Originally published: July 17, 2024 at 11:41 am

DEAR MRS MANNERS: My husband and I don’t speak the identical native language. As our marriage progresses, I’m learning his language – an endeavor that he recognizes and supports.

At first he rightly assumed that I didn't understand anything he said on the phone. But as time goes on I'm learning increasingly more.

I don't know if I should assume he knows that I understand a few of his conversations now, and if not, whether I should tell him.

Am I obligated to let the people he's talking to know I'm there? Or is that my husband's job?

DEAR READER: When someone is on the phone (or using another one-way technology), it's polite for others within the room to pretend they don't hear—even when the illusion is downright comical. The incontrovertible fact that you previously didn't understand what was being said in your husband's calls made this ruse all the simpler.

Your only obligation to your husband is to indicate to him that you simply now understand much of what he says. Miss Manners isn’t suggesting that your husband is deliberately hiding anything from you – only that it could be irritating to him for those who asked, “What did you mean when you said we weren't sure about going to the Bahamas this winter? I thought we had made up our minds.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I even have noticed that many restaurant waiters take orders without writing them down. This applies to orders with several exceptions, comparable to “no cheese, dressing separately, vegetables instead of fries”, etc.

This makes my husband and I nervous. The orders are often spot on, but we still wait for our meals with some trepidation.

If an order is unsuitable and never written down, are we allowed to refuse to tip (or at the very least reduce it significantly)? I feel it's rude to ask a waiter to jot down down the order if she or he doesn't need to.

Miss Manners assumes which you could be forgiving when the person you're serving is unsuitable, but she urges you to not withhold a tip. Mistakes occur and might easily occur even when the order is fully and accurately recorded. The true indicator of fine service is the way in which the restaurant and server handle the situation, not the error itself.

DEAR ABBY: Over the course of 12 years, my husband and I even have given greater than $400,000 as a down payment to our adult daughter and her husband, each now of their mid-40s.

Recently my daughter pestered me with the words “Good grandparents/parents help their children” and wanted extra money from me.

I finally told my husband about my cheating and he’s incredibly forgiving. He understands that I even have insecurity issues and worry about losing the love of my daughter and phone with our grandchildren.

Two years ago, our daughter told us that due to our “difficult personalities,” she needed boundaries and my husband and I were only allowed to go to her one week a yr (they live 3,000 miles away). This was a shock because my husband had taken care of our grandchildren from the time they were born until they moved away when the kids were 4 and 6. We had traveled with them and thought we were close.

Given all this, I told my daughter that I felt manipulated and gave them two months' notice that I’d stop making monthly payments.

She has now cut off contact with us – blocked all phones and social media. I’m devastated. I feel hopeless and am searching for counseling. I can't shake the sensation that it's my fault. What do you’re thinking that?

BLOCKED: Your only “mistake” is that you just gave a dollar of cash to your manipulative and ungrateful daughter and hid it out of your husband.

You can't make someone love you by buying their affection. (It's either there or it isn't.) As you may see now, that attempt was fruitless.

Your daughter is making the most of your love for the grandchildren to punish you for not shelling out more. (And she thinks you might have a “difficult personality”? Wow!)

I’m so glad that you just are discussing this sad situation with a licensed mental health skilled. It is the surest way I do know to stop blaming yourself and regain your emotional balance.

DEAR ABBY: I even have a friend who, each time we ate out and a waiter tried to take her empty plate away from her however the others round her had not finished eating, would hold out her hand to stop the waiter from taking her plate.

I only told her this once, despite the fact that we’ve been friends for 30 years. What do you’re thinking that?

LOVE FOOD: I don't think your friend is being rude. According to Emily Post, if a waiter clears someone's plate away before everyone has finished eating, it could possibly give the impression that those that are still eating are holding up work, and those that are finished can feel like they rushed the meal.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I even have been married for 30 years, but have never really been pleased together.

Recently, when one in all my infections spread to my sinuses and eye, I moved out of the master suite and into one in all the children' old rooms.

My skin is clearing now and I’m pain free.

I all the time suspected that my husband may need had something to do with it. I also found a book by him about wild mushrooms. In it he had underlined a piece about parasitic fungi.

What do you think that, Abby?

DEAR SUSPECT: I feel you need to discuss this with the doctors who’ve tried to diagnose the reason for your recurring infections. If your suspicions are correct, you need to speak to the police because your husband could also be guilty of assault with intent to harm you.

This could possibly be your probability to finish your long, unhappy marriage. Please return to the master suite until the matter is resolved to your satisfaction.

DEAR ABBY: I even have been married for 42 years. Three months ago I noticed changes in my husband's behavior.

He had lost two good friends inside two months, so I attributed it to that.

Then sooner or later he asked me to look something up on his phone and I saw text messages between him and a lady named “Ginger” who works for him.

Every evening he invited her to return to the shop with him and drink a beer. Of course she never said no. She also texted him in search of him when he couldn't come and told him she would miss him. My husband is 60; Ginger is 30.

He also tells me that he also has a girlfriend (also 30) who works at an area company. He has confided in her about personal family matters, which I do know she has shared with other people.

I'm at a loss. I'm retired, but I'm all the time able to do anything with him. I even have dinner ready when he gets home after spending an additional hour with Ginger every night.

What can I do to bring my husband home with me? I maintain myself, all the time look good and listen when he talks.

Dear what to do: This may don’t have anything to do with you and every thing to do along with your husband's fear of his own mortality.

Given that he has just lost two close friends within the last three months, the corporate of those young women could possibly be a distraction for him. However, what he’s doing is disrespectful to you and will pose a threat to your marriage.

You appear to be doing all of your best to do your part, but you possibly can't solve the issue on your individual. Maybe it's time so that you can focus less on what he likes and more on what's good for you.

And whilst you're at it, start monitoring his/her financial records to see if there have been any “out of the ordinary” expenses. If that is the case, it might be time to seek the advice of a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently moved to a brand new city. We have great neighbors and I actually have made friends here and developed close relationships with a number of the women. My husband hasn't made any friends.

When I need to have a while with my friends, he gets offended and accuses me of not wanting him around and of shutting him out of my life. I just can't appear to get him to know that girls need girl time for our own mental health and it's not about him.

Help please!

DEAR SAD: Most women need friends, so please don't isolate yourself to appease your husband.

If he thinks that hanging out with you and your pals is filling the gaps in his social life, he needs a wake-up call. Whether or not you would like him to be around for these visits, it’s best to consider the opposite women's feelings.

Did your husband have male friends in your previous city? I don't suspect why he might still be so depending on you now.

Unless he's willing to place in the hassle, you won't have the ability to resolve his social problems. It might be helpful to encourage him to develop hobbies and interests of his own, and volunteering in your latest community could help him meet other men with whom he can bond. Please suggest it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I actually have been married for 10 years, together for 12. We haven’t any children together, but I actually have 4 from a previous marriage. Two are grown and have moved out; two are still at home and in highschool.

When we got together, my husband immediately took on the role of stepfather and have become an exquisite stepfather. He has all the time been a provider, a listener, an advisor, a friend, etc. He is the epitome of an awesome father and husband. My family loves him and I like him with all my heart.

There is only one small problem that has reoccurred throughout our marriage.

Abby, he told me several years ago that he had quit smoking marijuana, but over time I've often caught him sneaking around doing it. When I ask him about it, he lies to my face and insists he doesn't. I don't ask unless I've seen it or found something somewhere.

We live in a state where recreational use is legal, so it's not the smoking that actually bothers me, it's the lying.

I don't participate so I suppose I don't understand, but how can I make him understand that I want his honesty with me? I can't stand being lied to, especially about something so silly.

Dear MIFFED: Your husband could also be lying because he knows what you consider his smoking and since he desires to avoid conflict.

There is hardly a simpler method to undermine trust than to do what he allegedly did. That's why it's vital that you simply each speak about his marijuana smoking, either at home or on the office of a licensed family therapist.